My Life as A Radical Whore/Madonna

I have been ill.

Though I usually have no qualms about regaling you with tales of my fluids, what has transpired in the past 48 hours was so gross that I’m opting to spare you. Let’s just say that practically all of the liquid in my body came out. And after hours and hours of pitching my liquids, only after I drank some breastmilk did my stomach settle. I tell you, it was magical.

I was waiting to either sleep or puke or poop, and Stella was obstinately refusing her nightly bottle. After making it clear that she wasn’t having it, Stella fell asleep and I was left to wait for whatever might come out of me. To supply some fluid into my body and introduce a different taste into my mouth, I unscrewed the bottom of Stella’s bottle and drank a couple of sips of vitamin fortified boob juice. Within fifteen minutes, I was no longer shaking with chills. My stomach settled. I was able to sleep without worrying about leaking. Breastmilk is indeed the elixer of life.

So, I was getting ready to walk out of the apartment, Stella carefully strapped to my person in the Snugli, both of us swaddled in carefully arranged layers of winterwear, and the phone rings. I answer it - it’s the doctor’s office, the doctor is out sick, they’ll have to cancel my 9:15 am appointment. Goddammit!

On the up side - It was about 8:50 when they called, I was going to be late, anyway.

However, since we were poised to leave, I decided to go ahead and step out for a brief morning walk. It’s bright and sunny. So out we went, into the cold morning sun. Stella wasn’t really into it - I don’t think the Snugli was adjusted to her liking, so I just went around the block. Another bonus - now I know that she wouldn’t have been comfortable on the walk to the doctor’s office, so now I can make the necessary adjustments for our appointment this afternoon (different doctor, same practice).

I’m pumping right now, as my breasts are bursting with even more milk than usual. Stella went back to sleep for a while, so if the getting’s still good when I finish pumping, I just might cook up a bit of breakfast.

Yesterday we tried something exciting and new: backpack-style carrying! Uninteresting you say? Well, that was before you realized that carrying baby on my back means I can keep her generally appeased AND do dishes at the same time! Wha-haaa! Good times ahead!

Another seemingly mundane, but super exciting achievement: I fixed the zipper on my coat! I bought this coat probably in November, and busted the zipper after about a week. It would zip up and down, but the zipper wouldn’t disengage at the bottom, so I had to step in and out of my coat. It’s just a pain in the ass to have to do that. But this morning, I focused all of my martial-arts concentration, squeezed the zipper parts together, and lo, the mechanism righted itself, and said zipper came undone.

I’ve pumped 8 ounces of milk, and it’s still coming. All hail my mighty, mighty boobs! I should start calling them “The Producers.” Or, “Big, Bad, Mamma Jammas.” Heh.

In other news, I had my internship orientation at school - that was pretty exciting, actually. The director of Career Services helped me come to the understanding that my skills really are administrative, and that I should pursue that. I kinda knew that, but it helps to hear someone else say it, and then enocurage it. I’m really psyched to get back into my academic/career training. There are some cool internship opportunities available, and I think that I could actually do well on my comprehensive exams. I just have to figure out how to be concise and include enough of the right information - my writing tends to be stronger when I can edit the hell out of it, but the comps are basically a bunch of very elaborately conceieved in-class essays. It takes 6 hours. But I can do it. I can do it.

Well, it seems like the getting is indeed good, so I will bid ye all farewell, put my milk away, and make some grub. Maybe I’ll even get some journaling done. We’ll see.

So, happy Tuesday, everyone! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my big brother Mike!

Atena

Hey! So, I’m watching Oprah - Dave Chappelle’s first interview. Fascinating. If Oprah is effecting some campaign of intimidation against Dave, she’s covering up really well, by being super nice. I feel bad for Dave, because it’s clear he has so much to say and doesn’t quite know how to get it out. Oprah acting kind of like a celebrity mother/mentor, she’s got this semi-maternal look in her eye.

I just saw this commercial for Andrea Bocelli’s new album, ‘Amoré,’ singing ‘the most romantic songs ever’ or something. And I realized, if I were to have a particularly guilty pleasure, it might be to -

wait - sorry. I just heard the word “herbacutical,” as in ‘pharmacutical,’ but with herbs. That is not a real word. I hate it when they make up words just for commercials. I realize that words are often simply combinations of roots and prefixes, and that no one owns the domain of word making, but it’s still really annoying to hear totally made-up words like ‘herbacutical’ and ‘heliotherapy’ in reference to shampoo and crap like that. If you’re going to make a up a word, do it to add some meaning to the world.

- anyway. If I were to have a particularly guilty pleasure, it might be to listen to this ‘Amoré’ album. Possibly while drinking some rich aromatic tea. During a sunset, perhaps? Enjoying Bocelli’s duets with Christina Aguilera and Stevie Wonder… Maybe while wearing a silk kimono, writing in my journal. I’m not above such things.

Okay, well, on with the day. We’re going to meet with a lady today about looking after her daughter, then I’m coming home to babysit for my friend and neighboor. Good times in childcare means diaper money - go team!

But what I’m superpsyched about is that my class, my pregnancy and sexuality class is scheduled for February 28th at 7:30 pm - it’s called Hot Mama: Sex and Pregnancy. Check out the Early to Bed website for this and other exciting classes on positive sexuality. And PLEASE tell your pregnant friends, and anyone else who might be interested, so we can have a full class with a waiting list, and they’ll have to schedule it again, and again and again. My ultimate goal is to teach this, and other classes, at other locations as well, spreading the good word all about the city.

What else? I just finished reading ‘Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts.’ This book kicks ASS. I love it - THANKS, THANKS, THANKS to my friend Andrea for loaning it to me. Reading this book has been so inspiring, I almost cried reading the last few essays (especially the interview with Corin Tucker of Sleater Kinney, which I read years ago, but have now read totally differently through the eyes of a) a mom and b) a mom who’s baby spent her first weeks in the hospital because of an emergency). I have firmed my resolve to reignite my creativity and pursuing artistic endeavors. I hod lost some of my confidence there, but it’s starting to come back a bit. I’m glad for it.

Anyway, Stella’s awake and spitting for some more attention. Enjoy the weekend!

Atena