What a week - no DSL for 8 days! I admit - I have a problem, I need it.
Well, where the hell to begin?
New Orleans… I can’t even really say anything worth saying at this point. How fucking sad, and fucking awful, and why is our government so fucking useless when it really matters, and thank God for so many caring, generous people, regular people who see the need to step up and do just that. That’s what gives me any kind of hope - those people who had no ties to the city, no obligation, just something inside of them that said ‘You need to do something. Go do it.’
I’m still pregnant. Who knows for how many days or hours. I’ve been contracting, but not anything super intense. Ian gave me a belly massage and a foot massage tonight, and then cooked dinner - I feel like a pregnant princess!
We had the baby shower - it was totally fun! Thanks to everyone that came for the fun and silliness! We have a sheitload of onesies, a respectable number of stuffed animals, the start of an outstanding children’s library, and an assortment of Johnson’s baby products, just to mention a few things. I’m sorry to report that Anita finally discovered the truth about our relationship, which is that it is built on a web of lies. I hope that she will forgive me and continue to act as McBaby’s Fairy Godmother.
Vonetta came to visit, and it was SO AWESOME! I had a rockin’ good time, and Ian and I got some good kid practice in. We talked and hung out, and she twisted my hair and painted my belly 
and we ate the kids’ ice cream at Leona’s. They didn’t need all that ice cream anyway. I can’t wait ’til she comes back! I miss you, Vonetta!
On Labor Day, I went to the beach down the street at 7 am. I wasn’t planning to stay long. A lady who was walking her dog came up to me and told me that I look like I should be a model - it’s nice to hear that when you’re bigger, puffier and more unwieldy than you’ve ever been in your life (200 lbs and slightly swollen for anyone who’s interested). After she left, I knelt down in the sand and began to swirl my hands in it, it was dry, soft and cool - full of smooth little rocks. I saw a shape forming in my sand swirlings, and that’s how my Beach Venus Mama was born. I ended up working on her for 2 hours, scrambling around in the sand looking for the right rocks to use. I called Ian around 9:30 am and told him to come meet me at the beach with his camera phone, to which he responded “What?” But after some convincing, he came and was a very good sport about it. I just needed to document my efforts - I knew my creation wouldn’t last the day with so many eager beachgoers coming out to play. It felt good to make something with my hands. So here she is:
Now we’re pretty much just waiting. The little birthing tub is set up in the living room, just waiting to be filled with water. I’ve been cutting back on the fats and sugars, trying for more complex carbs and veggies. Ian is standing by, ready to use his Chi Gung and meditation skills to help me breathe, relax and make low-pitched noises. I’m being checked on by a number of people every day - thanks to everyone for making sure I’m okay. I promise to let everyone know when we do actually have the baby.
Contractions are interesting. They haven’t become painful yet, just noticable. I watch my belly slowly tighten around the round bean-like thing that must be McFetus, and when I touch it, the whole thing feels hard as a rock. Then, a minute or two later, it’s soft and pliable again. Some people look alarmed to see me walking around in public, often asking when I’m supposed to have that baby. I tell them, and they look at me as though I might go into labor that moment. Which I suppose is possible, though mammals tend to want to labor in dark, private places - aisle 6 at the Osco hardly qualifies.
So, all-in-all, I feel really good and about as ready as anyone can feel. I’m going to see my midwife tomorrow (provided I make it through the night without going into labor - otherwise, she’s coming to see me) and then get a few more activities in before the fateful hour of McBirth. I’ll try to write again before that happens, but who knows, huh? In the meantime, think good things for us, okay?
Atena McAlmost
