My Life as A Radical Whore/Madonna

This was the first of several such comments I was engaged with - four times between leaving home and arriving at my friend Andrea’s, and once at the Baja Fresh in Niles (we went to Babies R Us). I’m like a walking, interactive billboard that says, “Tell Me Your Thoughts on My Pregnancy!” I guess there’s worse things in life. And it’s almost over. I hope.

It’s early Saturday morning - I’ve been up for about 2.5 hours. I’m really just waiting for my body to figure out how tired it is. I’ve uninstalled and reinstalled my printer software (upgrading to Tiger did something wonky to the print setup, but it’s fixed now), created a meeting agenda, finished creating a job description, and done some general catch-up on e-mail reading.

I have to get the preschool curriculum info ready for church - I’m beginning my duties as the Preschool Coordinator. I’m really psyched about it - it’s exactly what I need to be doing to stay sharp for school. Besides that, I think it’s really important to think about what we take from our religious (or otherwise moral or value-based) lives and purposefully pass on to children. Especially at this age - 3 and 4 year olds. This goes so far beyond teaching them rhymes and stories, or doing activites that involve glitter glue and construction paper. This is the first time they really begin to internalize values, to see what others do and save that information for later, to act on and imitate.

It’s funny - as I’ve been developing a developmental primer to go along with the curriculum, I’ve been thinking about the best ways to take advantage of this developmental window. It admittedly feels kind of manipulative, but all in all, I’m pretty comfortable with it. I mean, this is how kids learn to be human, by internalizing interactions with other humans. Parenting is a kind of manipulation (if you can see past the generally negative connotations of the word), and so is teaching. If I wasn’t confident about my church’s capacity to handle that with care, I wouldn’t participate.

I just read Natalie’s blog, and she has a bunch of thoughtful ideas about Unitarian Universalism. I very much relate to the comments about lack of structure, specifically when it comes to Children’s Religious Education. I guess what I’m trying to do with the kids is to encourage an internal structure, something that exists inside of them, that they can reference throughout the changes in their lives and challenges of faith that they’ll eventually encounter. It seems to me to be a good way to adapt to the inherent lack of dogmatic or even liturgical consistency across UUism. I’m really happy to have this opportunity to participate in Religious Education in this way. I also like that Ian has found a way to participate as well, as a youth group advisor to the adolescent youth. Adolescence is really the second time in life where people’s internal identities are so susceptible to influence, so we both have opportunities to make critical connections. I hope that we can rise to the challenge - I feel fairly confident that we both can. And maybe we’ll be better parents for it.

Sometimes I still can’t believe there’s a human inside of me. It’s just so odd. I don’t suppose it’s always necessary to fully comprehend every facet of the work that we do… There’s 2 weeks until my due date, so really, it could happen any time. I’ve become more aware of all of the sensations that travel through my body, wondering if every creak, twinge, pain, whatever is the beginning of something bigger. I know enough to know that there’s no one way to tell, no single way for birth to happen.

Alright - I’m going to bed, to get some sleep before the midwife comes. Have a great weekend everyone!

Atena McAnyminute

I have reached the point where I am considered safe to give birth at home. Yay! Our birthing tub will be delivered this weekend, and now it’s a matter of weeks or days or whatever.

I’m annoyed, however, because I found out that I have group B strep colonization (basically, it’s a bacterial infection of the vagina - as with many bacterial infections, it’s pretty common and many women never know that they’re colonized, but when there’s a baby involved, there’s a risk of passing it to the baby, who is more likely to have problems with an infection). So, I have to address that. Really, there’s much, much worse complications that could come up. I have to speak to a nutritionist about ways to change my body environment to be less hospitable to the bacteria and push come to shove, take some antibiotics during my labor.

Otherwise, I’m feeling good. I just took an awesome nap. The nesting thing is really working out - I had the energy to clean a bunch of stuff yesterday - bathtub, floors, laundry, dishes, general straightening up… Good stuff. Ian has been doing some good shelf reoarganization, as well as other more labor intensive nesting projects, like moving furniture, cleaning under and the big rug, multiple laundry loads… We’re chipping away at the study a little each day - it’s kind of daunting. So much paper…

Oh - we had our first baby shower! It was great! There was an abundance of tasty food, and lovely people. And we got some kickass books to add to our collection:

My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss
Moo, Baa, La La La! by Sandra Boynton
Jazzy Miz Mozetta by Brenda C. Roberts
Kitten’s First Full Moon

These are some of my favorites! Seuss and Boynton are old stand-byes, we got at least 2 titles for those authors. The second two were ones that I’d never heard of, but fell in love with instantly because of the awesome artwork (I have yet to see a story book with awesome art and a bad story. I’m sure they’re out there, but I haven’t seen ‘em). We got board books and paper books to cover a nice range of ages. I’m so excited about our expanding children’s library!

Well - there’s more to discuss, but I’m tired of typing. I’ll write again soon, though, since it’s been a while.

Atena Oyadi

Whassup, y’all?!!

First of all, I’m throwin’ out big, fat, juicy congrats to my lovely Mr. Ian for landing his new job! He’s been working really hard to get a full time position at a decent company, and after many months his efforts have paid off. He’ll be starting next week - excitement abounds! Yay Ian!

So, yeah - that’s the awesome hot news around here. I am so very happy. And so very relieved. Not that we’re gonna be out of our hole anytime really soon, but at least we won’t be digging it deeper, faster like we have been. We’re not in the clear yet, but we will get there. Good things. Thanks to all of you who’ve stuck it out with us and taken care of us these past months when the going has gotten rough.

Today, I’m determined to wash some towels and vacuum something. My mom gave us a dustbuster - I’m pretty psyched about that. Perfect for the sofa. I didn’t get to the library last week, so I wanna try to do that too. My hausfrau tendancies are trying to get out - I just keep getting distracted by stuff.

August is halfway over. July seemed to go on for a hundred years, but August is practically gone. Our prenatal class ended on Sunday - we took a little quiz, did a birth blessing, and had a nice potluck farewell. One couple came from Natalie’s previous class and brought their new baby - it was really cool. They were actually in the class that I taught that one time - their baby was a sweet little boy with skinny legs. They were happy to pass him around and let people practice holding him. Ian held him for a bit, which was very sweet and cute. The few times I’ve seen him hold a baby, he’s appeared to be quite competent at it. Really with kids in general, Ian seems to have a knack for interacting with them that many adults lack - a nice, easygoing approach.

So, now we’ve got baby showers and stuff to do, which should be lots of fun. It’s always nice to get presents. I’m so excited - Vonetta’s coming up from Texas! It’s gonna rock! She’ll be bringing both of her beautiful children and she’s gonna paint my belly! I want to do a belly cast, too. The thing about belly casts, is you have to mount them up somewhere out of the way, or you end up bumping into it all the time, eventually destroying it. But my midwife said that I have a belly worth remembering, and I agree with her. So we’ll work it out somehow.

We’ve gotta get our home ready for the birth event - cleaning and rearranging and such. The birthing tub should be delivered sometime soon, so we have to make sure the space is ready. Things are just happening so quickly - it’s exciting, but it’s also pretty intense, like turning a corner and finding a door right on the other side that you didn’t know was there. You have to move fast and open it, or crash into it.

Anyway, I must get to my chores and errands (not to mention breakfast). More later…

Atena Oyadi

Cream line plain yogurt is definitely better than lowfat. Tastewise, anyway.

Last night sucked. I had an extended allergy attack, when I should’ve been sleeping softly, soundly, drifting in and out to the sound of the rain. My whole head itched - even inside my ears, and I was producing snot at a ridiculous rate, sneezing and sneezing, having to get in and out of bed (which, by the way, was made no more pleasant by my sore, achy crotch muscles. Sorry, but someone’s got to tell the truth). I was up for hours - I don’t know how I finally got to sleep. I know, I know - wait ’til we actually have the baby - you know that’s all well and good, but I’m getting tired of people telling me how tired and uncomfortable I’m going to be. I’m tired and uncomfortable now. I’m especially tired of people’s constant unsolicited comments, advice, etc. on my pregnancy and my unborn child. A woman approached me in the street a few days ago, insisting that my belly must have just gotten so round in the past couple of weeks, in spite of my assertions to the contrary, because according to her, “That’s when it happens - right at the end! Right at the end!” Who the fuck asked you, anyway? I’m tired of people asking me if I’m sure there’s only one baby in there. I’m tired of being told that I won’t make it to September. I’ve taken to wearing sunglasses and keeping my nose in a book when I go out, just to keep people from talking to me. The general interest would be sweet if people weren’t so goddamn presumptuous. It’s not like I go around swooning. Why does no one believe me when I say I don’t want to sit down? If I need to sit down, believe me, I’ll do it. I’m not crippled - I’m pregnant. I don’t have rickets. I don’t have a disease!

That said, I feel much better now, though I still need one or two more hours of sleep. While I was drifting off again, my stomach guided me up and into the kitchen, which brings us to cream line plain yogurt. With mixed berry granola. Very good, very tasty.

My aunt Betty is having surgery today - please take a moment to think good healthy thoughts for her procedure and recovery.

Ian will be just getting started with his job interview now. Throw in some good luck thoughts about that too, while you’re at it.

I’m really digging this Andrew Bird album that Alicia so thoughtfully passed along to me - it’s pretty awesome. I wish I knew where the discman is - I’d take this out with me and listen to it. I’m going to join the family vigil at the hospital where my aunt is today, and that’ll be a long train trip. I’d like to try to make it to the library to pick up some books I ordered, too - we’ll see if that happens. I don’t think I’ll make it to the pool today, which is a bummer, because I’d like to really stretch out these sore muscles. But I guess swimming 3 times a week is plenty, so I can manage to skip a day. I can still stretch, it’s just a lot harder.

Anyway, I’m rambling, ’cause I’m tired. I’ll come back with something more effectively brilliant (or at least coherent) later.

Enjoy Friday, everyone!

Atena McSleepy McFuzzybrain

I’m having a hard time accepting that I cannot earn money right now, but I’m getting there.

But I’ve rinsed the stupid parents of the lovely little boy I’d been caring for out of my life. I went to their apartment to get a sweater, and my mix tape that I left there, said goodbye to the baby, and walked away for good. Sometimes you just have to let the badness roll over your shoulders and away.

So I had some time for a bit of swimming, a bit of cleaning, a chance to cook for myself again… Time to lay about and let the swelling in my feet go down. Lots of showers. I’m actually getting tired of so many showers, but they cool me off and abate the incredible itching that has taken over my belly and legs. I haven’t moisturized like this in years.

What to do this morning:
- Brush teeth, shower.
- Call stupid ComEd, clear up our “misunderstanding.”
- Make a budget map.
- Call DHS, make appointment
- Go swimming.

I’m listening to ‘We Funk’ on iTunes. I haven’t listened to it in years - I forgot about it. It’s really good - funk and quality hip-hop. Oh, and speaking of good music, Alicia was kind enough to grace us with some new music to listen to - Andrew Bird and Sufjan Stephens. I am very pleased - thanks again, Sweetie. Good music helps me stay optimistic.

My body is getting tired. My belly sits down low, and I’m constantly hoisting it off of my thighs. I think Fetus is learning how to walk in there - I can’t imagine why so much movement is necessary. I just keep reminding myself, moving baby is healthy baby. Sometimes I feel like it’s moving me - it can be disconcerting. Nights are getting rough - it’s like I turn into an itchy, irritable pumpkin after 10:00 pm. But once I’m asleep, it’s cool. And thankfully, lately, I’ve been getting to sleep pretty easily. I’ll be 36 weeks (9 months) this week. I’m impressed.

Anyway, I’m gonna get to it. I think today will be productive and good. I hope you all have a good day, too.

Atena McMegabelly

The good news:
- I can take naps whenever I want.
- I can go swimming 3 days a week.
- I’ll have more time to clean our apartment.
- I’ll have more time to read.
- No more fleas.

Well, my employers pretty much cut me loose - I only found out about it by coincidence. I’m glad I called them, otherwise I’d be sitting here waiting for them to show up, starting to wonder if something was wrong. I’m not going to bother listing all of the asshole-ish things that they’ve done to make my life that much more difficult. I am pleased to say that during my conversation with the mom last night, I was actually able to articulate why their actions were damaging to me and my family, and why I have every reason to be upset. I stood up for myself, and I managed to be reasonable, relatively rational, but still appropriately expressing my disappointment and anger. It was a good balance. It’s too bad I can’t get paid for well-balanced arguments.

It makes me so angry. And sad. And furious. And sad. This is not what we needed right now.

I’d like to write about something more pleasant and optimistic, but I’m not really feeling it. There’s no denying the wonderful things that our friends and family have been doing to support us, but I can’t muster up the energy to be optimistic right now. I’m sure you understand. I’ll get it back later, don’t worry. But for now, I just wanna go lay down.

So as not to end on a completely depressing note, I’ll give you some more good news:
- My blood pressure is great.
- Fetus is doing well.
- Ian has a second interview today.
- We had a nice anniversary.
- I had some really good Thai food yesterday (thanks Anita!).
- I have a really great new moisturizer for my itchy skin (also thanks Anita!).

Think happy thoughts for us.

Atena Oyadi