My Life as A Radical Whore/Madonna

364 days ago, everything was crazy. One of the craziest days of my life. The pre-wedding melding of families in our one bedroom apartment. There was food everywhere, not enough chairs, mothers freaking out about dresses, kids and babies and parents, flowers and music and paper and fabric, so many people, love and tension and electricity.

Today, there aren’t dozens of loved ones ready to cram into our apartment. Today, it’ll be just us for a while. Things aren’t so supercharged, so on-edge. There’s a large pile of baby clothes on the livingroom floor, sent to us by Greta, who is so wonderfully generous and caring - I spent a long time folding them last night, putting them in tiny little stacks. Today I’m going to figure out where to put them. Love, marriage, baby carriage… well, we don’t have a ‘carriage’ per se, but we do have a sling and now a Snugli (a very nice one, also thanks to Greta).

My belly itches, sticks to the tops of my thighs. I think about my wedding dress hanging in the closet, and how a year ago, I had a waistline. How 364 days ago, I was trying to convince my mother that the dress would be finished in time for the wedding. It was such a crazy time - like we were all ready to explode, bursting with some kind of love/anxiety cocktail bomb. I remember the desperate spinning feeling I had, the feeling of falling or jumping too far, too fast in your dreams. It was exhilirating. And frightening. And amazing.

I think today will be somewhat calmer.

Last night, Ian made dinner for me (as he often does), as well as a tasty desert. Salmon curry and apple crisp. He also shared a supplementary potato. Throughout the evening, he showered me with kisses of all sizes (as he often does), and before I went to sleep, he massaged the cramp out of my left calf muscles. I want to explain how he takes such good care of me, but I’m often at a loss for words - I feel like no matter what I say, no one can really understand. But he does take such good care of me.

One year later, and our big event is the gathering of babythings, the making of baby plans. Sometimes I’m still kind of surprised at how quickly we began our genetic expansion - “If you’d asked me a year ago,” etc, etc…

So, I’ll stop with my ramblings. I guess I’m just wanting to say that I’m grateful for the past year. We’re still running on the fuel of the crazy love that was piled upon us around the wedding - our friends and family are so awesome. And I am so happy to be married to my husband, my partner, my excellent Ian. Life is, indeed, sweet.

Think of us today and spread some love around,

Atena Oyadi Dani Danner-McPhaden

The Bangles were a totally underrated band. I’m listening to the delightful mix CD Schmanthony made for us as a wedding present. I’ve been dancing around, making a tasty fruit smoothie for breakfast. I’m also making some sun tea - some Mother-To-Be tea with an added dose of raspberry. It’s got dandelion, which is good for circulation. My mission is to improve my circulation and regulate my weight gain (I’ve gained about 40 lbs). So, less cheese (sniff), more cucumber. Apparently cucumber is good for circulation, as my midwife has informed me.

I’m going swimming this afternoon, also per midwife’s prescription, to help balance the liquids in my body. I’m really excited - my body has been wanting to be in water for a while. It’s funny - it’s like a compulsion. I often think of just going over to the lake and walking in. But I have Lake Michigan issues, on account of it being full of nastiness (I don’t care how many people swim in it everyday - it’s full of nastiness). When Mike and Evan came up for a visit this week, we went over to the beach by our apartment. They were skipping stones, and being so close to the water, I couldn’t resist wading in up to my thighs - it was calling me in. It felt really good, too. I’m not saying public pools set the standard for cleanliness or anything, but I have a better idea of what I’m getting into, and less of a chance for extra industrial waste. I tried taking a bath yesterday, but our tub is too shallow to really be comfortable and effective.

I’m taking my statistics final exam tomorrow. Don’t worry - it’s open book. Otherwise, I’d be totally freaking out. But I’m so glad it’s almost done. I’m so close to being free. From school, anyway.

I actually got some cleaning/organizing done in the study this weekend. That’s awesome, ’cause usually when I think of cleaning, I feel like I have an anchor tied to me, weighing me down, sinking further into the ocean of malaise. Ian has been extremely cool about this, and I’m trying to do more to pick up some of the slack. I just get so tired sometimes.

We skipped church yesterday, on account of the world being an oven. The sanctuary does not cool well, so we stayed in until time for our childbirth class. We saw 2 cool videos in class - The Elk and the Epidural (Birthing From Within) and the Suzanne Arms video. I always cry when I see the birth at the end of that one. The class was pretty quiet - I’d like to have more discussion and conversation. I always feel like I should give other people time to talk, since I know a lot of the stuff. I do speak up and ask questions though. I just don’t want to start dominating the conversation, as I can tend to do if I’m really excited about something. After class, we had some friends over to share our aid-conditioning and dinner - Ian cooked. I had 2 turkey burgers (dressed with some veggie items). It was fun. Thanks to Ang & Roz for the food. And for picking us up.

Today, I’m taking it easy, trying to balance between taking it easy, and getting my blood moving. Ahh, the delicate balance of all things. I hope everyone is doing well, and staying cool. Give me a call if you’d like to come over and visit and enjoy some apartment coolness. Having company also gives me incentive to clean.

Peace,

Atena Oyadi

You know, we lived in Georgia when I was a kid. Heat was an expected condition of the weather, and it was pretty much always humid. The plants and trees were all thick and lush - lots of tropical greenness everywhere. So when I explain to you now that it has been too fucking damn humid for the past few days, know that I don’t say this lightly. It’s like the gods are steam-ironing Chicago. Most unpleasant. And most sticky.

Otherwise, life is pretty good. I spent a lovely Saturday out in ‘burbia with my family, visiting from place to place. My oldest nephew Evan II is in town, and so I got to see him, along with my youngest nephew, Tylan who lives “here” in NW Indiana (they’re brothers). And grandparents and aunts and uncles and everyone, everyone! It was great - I really enjoyed myself. My grandmother talked to me about when she was pregnant, I really enjoyed that.

My ligaments are softening. The end result of farther-widening pelvic bones will be great, but in the meantime, it causes me to limp occasionally, and to suffer the occasional sudden sharp pain in my hip. I’ve started to get a few Braxton-Hicks contractions (for those who don’t know, these are contractions that start later in the pregnancy, and don’t really do much if anything to advance labor - practice contractions). These are barely even uncomfortable - a general tightening. They happen late at night, and are a good indicator that I should be in bed. I do some bellydance-type stretches and that makes me more comfortable.

Fetus is moving so much, so dramatically, that it makes me a tiny bit anxious. I mean, I know in my brain that there’s probably nothing wrong, and that Fetus’ enthusiasm is a good sign, but it’s just so intense, and it’s in my belly. It made some big moves yesterday that even Ian was impressed by - enough for him to exclaim in amazement. Supposedly it’ll settle down and move around less as it gets bigger and starts to run out of room, but I don’t know… I just hope it’s this excited about getting out, when the time comes.

I was going to write more, but it’s getting hotter, and I’ve been up almost 2 hours (it’s just about 7 am). I might have to pick this up later. Have a great day, everyone.

Later,

Atena Oyadi

I’m so excited! I’ve been doing research on sexuality in pregnancy and childbirth, and have gotten some great info (many thanks to the Hip Mama community)! It’s been totally inspiring. If you’ll notice the ‘Of Interest’ section to your right, there’s a new link labeled Ecstatic, Orgasmic Birth. Check that out if you want to read cool stories of women not only enjoying birth, but REALLY enjoying birth. Seriously, maybe everyone wouldn’t be so goddamn afraid of childbirth if people knew stuff like this is possible. Well, I’m spreadin’ the good word. Go forth! Read the birth orgasm stories!

Good news regarding the baby shower - a location has been found and a date set in early September. There are many naysayers that insist that I won’t make it to September, i.e. our child will be born sooner than the Expected Date of Delivery, which is possible. I hope not, though. Not that I don’t want baby to come, just that we can use all of the prep time we can get. And I would prefer that the baby be born after the shower. I guess we’ll see. But we’ve got a free, nice, centrally located venue for the party, and that’s great. Thanks to my aunt Betty for setting that up, and to both aunts Betty and Neecy for planning the celebration.

We’ve been breaking in our new breadmaker. It isn’t brand new - it was a gently used gift from Angie and Roz, but it’s new to us! It’s so cool - I’ve made 2 loaves and Ian made one last night. SO YUMMY! I made oatmeal applesauce bread, which was light and very springy - Ian made an experimental sourdough loaf from a yeasty concoction he’s been brewing for a few days. It was dense and hearty - all very enjoyable. I know the machine isn’t the hardcore way to make bread, especially for people like my mom, who spend years perfecting their bread formula, but it’s great for me because I wouldn’t make bread otherwise. So, ha!

Luther Vandross died. That’s sad. Ian and I hung out at my aunt Betty’s house for BBQ on Sunday and his songs were playing on the radio station all day. I had forgotten how many of those songs I know and how much I like them.

What else - Ah yes, the 4th of July (aka Blow Shit Up In Loud, Possibly Colorful Ways) weekend… Well, when we were out in ‘Burbia on Sunday, there were fireworks that sounded like artillary. I figured there couldn’t be much military incentive to attack Chicago Heights, so I was only slightly alarmed by the rapid intensity of the earth-vibrating explosions. These are the times when I wish there was more rooftop access in the world, because while I can be rattled by the barrage of loud noises, the shock is somewhat lessened when I am distracted by pretty, sparkly lights. But with all the trees and buildings, it was hard to see. Last night, after a delicious dinner with some Antioch peeps (as in people, not marshmallow atrocities), hosted by the gracious Jilana and Dean, somehow our dinner party acquired two boxes of pyrotechnic explosives, and we somehow ended up in the alley behind their apartment watching ourselves ignite them. SO MUCH FUN! As I mentioned, loud, sudden noises do make me nervous, and I spent a good amount of time squealing, covering my ears, and backing away (especially when someone lit ‘The Screamer’), but I couldn’t help but be delighted! Especially ’cause if you looked in either direction down the alley, or over the rooftops, everyone else was doing the same thing amid the clouds of sulphuric smoke. The camraderie was palpable. I do feel for anyone who might’ve been trying to sleep, or god forbid put a baby to sleep, or heaven help them, any explosion-related PTSD sufferers. The neighborhood was just full of tiny missles, whistling and popping. We celebrate our country’s dangerous explosive nature by setting off dangerous explosives.

So that’s what’s been up with me. Everyone have a good week, and if you hear any good stuff about pregnancy and sexuality, please share!

Atena McSexy McBreadmaker