My Life as A Radical Whore/Madonna

I love it when I wake up to the sound of the rain. Even though this morning, it meant that I had to roll back and forth like an egg a couple of times, trying to sit up and reach over sleeping Ian to close the window. In spite of the rolie-polie comedy of that, the sound of rain was comforting and nice, and this rain has brought some nice cool air with it. As much as I can take the heat, I can also leave it.

So, you know that song ‘MacArthur Park?’

“Someone left the cake out in the rain…
I don’t know if I can take it -
’cause it took so long to bake it…”

Well, that’s been in my head for a couple of days now. What a weird song.

I got up around 5 or so, and made some broccoli with a peanut sauce. That was tasty - though I have a hard time getting my peanut sauce to be tangy enough (though, honestly, I could’ve tried harder). I’ve started brewing what I hope will be a pitcher of sun tea. The sun is peeking a little, so maybe it will come out and shine on my tea.

It feels like Fetus is pulling on the umbilical cord. I wish I knew what was going on in there.

I’m juggling a bunch of tasks and plans, which is actually pretty cool, because for a while I’d lost my ability to do that. I’m still trying to pace myself, but I’m feeling okay about things. I’m trying to fully re-engage myself with my doula association (NEIDA - NorthEastern Illinois Doula Association) - they were really patient with me when I was in school (and occasionally in crisis), so now I’m slowly picking up slack and really getting back into making the organization successful. I feel like we’re on the right track. We’ve been working on a snazzy new website with more useful interactive features, and we’re working to build up more birth community collaborations. It’s good.

For anyone looking for a doula, NEIDA doesn’t connect doulas with families, but our sister organization Birthlink does, FYI.

I can feel my pulse in my right thigh. It’s gone now.

Still no location for a baby shower. If I don’t find something, my city friends are going to have to trek out to ‘burbia. We can’t fit so many people in our apartment, and I don’t like the idea of having seperate parties for different groups of people, besides which that means a whole ‘nother event to plan. Bah! If anyone has suggestions for a cheap location that will accomodate about 30 people, preferably on Chicago’s north side, please reply to this and let me know.

I did my Research Methods midterm this week. It wasn’t as grueling as it could’ve been, mainly because we did it together in our study group. What a process! 3 hours for 7 problems. For those of you out there with math brains, savor and appreciate your gift. Not everyone has it.

Anyway, let’s see what today will bring. Something nice, I hope.

See ya!

Atena Oyadi

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to discover that my cottage cheese had acquired a most unpleasant flavour. That sucks. It looked fine, no mold or anything. I had some juice and swiss cheese and water.

So I’m tired. I was called by the babysitting job parents at 6:30 this morning to work in a pinch - the mom had to go into work on her usual day off. Luckily I was awake. I would’ve said no, but we need the cash, so instead of going back to sleep, I washed myself and went off to look after baby. It’s annoying to feel like you’re at someone’s beck and call, but we do what we must.

This weekend was nice. On Friday I had a fun ice cream date with Anita, and later Angie and Roz had Ian and I over for a lovely dinner at their great new apartment. I spent a lot of time on the HipMama blogs on Saturday. I realized after punking out on Anita (sorry Anita) that I am NOT the Prego Party Mama that I envisioned. At least, not much. I envisioned myself getting dressed up kind of sexy and going out and dancing and stuff, but then all I could think about was how I was going to have to ride the train home late by myself. My mother’s been wishing I would think like this for years, now it’s happening. But yeah, my brain/body isn’t too keen on late nights and crowds of people these days. This issue came up in our first prenatal class, and was described as being pretty normal, part of the process. It makes sense, I suppose. I’ve felt more and more vulnerable as the pregnancy has progressed - it follows that I would become more and more socially cautious. Sunday was church, then the Parade with friends Tony & Emily and Co. Pregnant ladies - never let a drunk person touch your belly: they will keep rubbing it and rubbing it. It’s weird. But it was fun going to the parade, though we stayed there longer than I really wanted to. But we were there with nice, fun people who we like, so it was okay. Also, we had access to air conditioning in one of the shops along the parade route, so that helped immensely.

After the parade, and a stopover for some most scrumptious fritatta by Mr. Tony, we trekked (and briefly rode in a cab) on over to our prenatal class. I enjoyed it - the other couples seemed nice enough, not too quiet. I tried to be kind of quiet and subtle about being a doula and general birth-world person - I think I did a pretty good job. We talked about feelings associated with birth and how to deal with them, and various societal views of birth. Ian brought up some good points about how fathers and partners are treated in the pregnancy/birth process. We saw a couple of videos - pretty standard stuff, but I enjoyed being on this side of the process. Ian experienced some annoyances, but I think it was pretty cool for him overall. I look forward to the rest of the class series, and it’s cool to have Natalie as the instructor. And she was kind enough to give us a ride home afterward.

What else - today was long. My body is sore for reasons I am unsure of (I suspect it’s pregnancy related). I feel sticky and itchy and tired. Ian cooked a nice dinner (though I didn’t finish my green beans - I’ll eat them later). My body is tired. I tried to lay down, but couldn’t quite get to sleep. Then Ian went and got some ice cream (his idea, not mine, though I supported it fully) and I had some of that. Chocolate chip cookie dough. So I guess I won’t sleep for a while. Maybe I’ll take a nice shower. That always helps. Yeah.

Anyway, if I have anything else noteworthy to say, I’ve forgotten it. Have a good week everyone.

Atena Oyadi

It’s hot! I’m hot! HOT!

Seriously, there’s no way to keep my parts separated to avoid sweat slicks. Something is always pressed against something else. Anyone reading this must be really excited about how I continue to make references to my bodily fluids. Well, that’s summer pregnancy for you.

We received our first registry gift yesterday, a lá Ian’s mom, Peggy - a very modern looking baby sling (Prémaxx brand), which is advertised as being “European Style Meets Comfort.” This is curious to me - I didn’t think Europeans were known for their baby-wearing techniques. Though, in all fairness, there are a lot of different kinds of Europeans. And does that mean to imply that European style in and of itself is inherently uncomfortable? I guess I’m not supposed to think too hard about it. It’s got pockets, which is good - maybe the pockets are the European element… Anyway, we opened it and Ian was inspecting it, trying to figure out how a baby would go in, so I took Scary Argyle Bear (Ian’s large, technicolor, argyle print stuffed animal) who is roughly the size of a 1-year-old, and positioned it inside. I feel confident saying that it was the cutest thing that anybody saw all week. I wanted to take a picture, but Ian declined. Alas.

I spent almost all of yesterday doing my statistics homework. I can’t believe how tedious it is - it’s like time slows down when I start working on these equations. But whatever, so long as it gets done.

I’m getting more eager for baby to come, in spite of the fact that we’re not particularly ready. I’m also realizing that pretty soon I won’t be pregnant anymore. This has its advantages and disadvantages.

Reasons to be excited about NOT being pregnant anymore:
- End of anticipation, seeing the baby.
- Sleeping on my back.
- Sex without Planet Belly getting in the way.
- General circulation will improve.
- Get to breastfeed!
- Less squishing of internal organs (including my bladder).
- Get to wear normal clothes and shoes (bonus - will be able to tie my shoelaces).

Reasons I’ll miss being pregnant:
- No more baby inside of me.
- Less attention (I’m not gonna lie - I like the attention).
- I’ll get my period again.
- Ian resting his hands on my belly (I’m sure this will continue, but it’s a little different with our baby in there).
- I’ll miss the supernatural feeling of just being pregnant. I feel like I’m tapped into the center of the planet - like a volcano. It’s like being the ocean and the clouds all at once. It’s pretty damn cool.

There are more reasons to miss it - I’ve forgotten them. I don’t know if I’ll ever get my memory back. I hope so.

Did the temperature perhaps go down? I feel less oppressed.

Well, I should go and do some kitchen cleaning. Ian’s been very patient with me. I’ll have to eat first, though. Can’t fight the laws of nature.

Atena Oyadi

…is unpleasant. And bras are an itchy pain in the ass. What’s a girl to do?

Onto other things - what’s been going on? My birthday was last Tuesday - it was a lovely day. I didn’t do much all day, then we had an impromptu dinner/video game party. Ian and my brother Mike cooked a fantastic meal for us, and we played Soul Caliber II. Epic battles were fought. Ian also made an awesome quatro leches cake (coconut milk being the fourth milk) - mmmm, so wet and so very sweet!

Father’s day wasn’t particularly eventful, but it was nice. I gave Ian a copy of Mister Seahorse, an Eric Carle story about responsible sea creature fathers who tend to their young. He likes it and I am glad. At church there was a teacher appreciation ceremony for all of the adults participating in the Religious Education program, so we both got to enjoy some applause. I got a very cute picture of the kids from preschool Sunday school, mounted on a hand-crafted (aka stamped and appliqued with foam flowers) pink foam frame. It was both warm and fuzzy.

We went to see our midwife on Monday - she estimates that I’ll be having a big baby (big surprise). She was trying not to scare me, but I know the score. My belly is like the rising harvest moon, and I was 10 lbs when I was born. Bring it on! So long as I don’t have gestational diabetes, which I don’t.

This Sunday, our childbirth education class begins - I’m really excited. It’s the same class that I subbed for that one time, but with the real teacher - my awesome friend Natalie. It will be cool.

The baby shower conundrum is being addressed - my relatives apparently had no expectation that I would take the lead in planning this event, and have begun preparations. I have done my part and created gift registries, so I feel a bit better about things, though I still feel wierd asking for stuff. Though God knows we need stuff. I picked as much as I could that was on sale or clearance. But you know what - this pink and blue things needs to end. Not that it ever will, but man! And what the fuck is up with the goddamn pastels? I am very disappointed with Target. Not really surprised, but disappointed. And if you want any respectable saturated colors, you have to pay ridiculous prices. $25 for a onesie? Shit, man! It’s baby clothes!

I should go to bed soon. I had a hard day of math problems. I almost retreated into the escapism of my youth, as I was confronted with the tangible memories of my math trauma, but I managed to slog through it (though I ended up using the wrong data set for my calculations. At least I figured that out before I turned in my homework). I really wanted to run away screaming, and by the end of tonight’s 3 hour class, numbers and symbols were floating through my head, entirely unconnected and unruly, accompanied by an ultrasonic ringing noise. I shall perservere, however. I shall. I can do it.

Anyway, good night to all. I’ll write some more when I get the chance.

Atena McItchyboobs

My feet have begun to swell. Alas.

Not too much really, just enough so I can only wear my sandals and flip-flops comfortably. Thank god it’s summer (though I’m sure the heat contributes to the swelling somewhat, probably). Either they’re more normal today, or I’m just getting used to it. Whatever. I can’t squeeze into my dansko clogs that I was so happy about, though. That’s a bummer.

This has been a good weekend, and I’m determined to be productive today. Our Young Breeders’ Society event was a success, and I hope to have another sometime soon. Church was short (and on top of that, we missed half of it), so we got home early yesterday and I had some nice reading and relaxation time before teaching my friend Natalie’s childbirth ed class. It was fun, though they weren’t a particularly responsive group. Some of the dads got into the conversation and asked questions - I’m glad about that. Now I’ve gotta make some calls and contacts and all that biznass.

I have to arrange some kind of baby shower/birth blessing event. I’m kind of at a loss - I don’t really want to do anything, but I do at the same time. Gak. I feel a little guilty, ’cause all of our friends kicked so much ass with helping and planning with the wedding stuff last year, it seems too soon to ask someone to plan another event for us. I want to have one party, but we have so many different groups of people in play who want to do nice stuff, which is lovely and a blessing and everything, but it’s a lot to coordinate. At least, it seems like it is. Maybe I’m just nervously overreacting.

Fetus is quite the energetic symbiote, let me tell you. If current activity is any indication of what life will be like outside of the womb, then everyone brace yourselves, because this may be the only way I can effectively contain it.

Speaking of swelling, by breasts have become quite juggy. Gone are my little teardrop boobies - just barely a handful apiece. Now they’ve begun to spill forward. They’re not huge by any means, but certainly bigger than ever and getting bigger by the week, I suspect. I wonder if I’ll shrink back or have permajugs. I guess we’ll see. Oh, and also, I’m leaking colostrum. Not in large, embarrassing amounts, just a few tiny drops at a time.

I had a job interview last week. It wasn’t great, but I guess that’s okay. There will be other interviews - someone’s bound to be impressed, eventually. I must say, though, that the lady sitting there with her arms crossed, looking mean and skeptical didn’t help my confidence. I’m just glad the other warm, smiley lady was there to diffuse it. I don’t know if they were doing some kind of good teacher/bad teacher setup, but it was somewhat uncomfortable.

Okay - I just had three eggs with sausage and juice and yogurt and my stomach is acting like it’s empty again. Oh the tyrrany! I’d like to do something today without being interrupted by peeing or eating or painful charlie horse cramps. Yeah right. Oh well.

I should go feed the beast. More later,

Atena Oyadi

I am full of meat. Steak. Very tasty - medium rare. I also had some peas and spinach with butter. Later I will eat my wonderful salad. Go leafy greens!

I don’t have to babysit this week. This is problematic, as it creates a lack of income, but I must admit to enjoying the time off. Also, I’ve been considering other possible options for ways to spend my time, and I’ve had extra time these couple of days to investigate a few other options. We’ll see what happens, but I am skeptical about anyone’s desire to hire a pregnant woman. But hey - nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

This past weekend we did all kinds of stuff. We had outdoor grillin’ at Anthony’s, which was awesome fun. Don’t get too excited about ‘House of Flying Daggers’ though - it was disappointing. I felt. Grilled fruits on ice cream was the big winner after dinner! We went for Ethiopian food the next day, with my friend Nora and her husband - it was SO good, and then the day after that we went to see Stardust (Neil Gaiman novel turned theatrical production) with some friends from church, and that was pretty cool, too. It made me want to read the novel. It’s nice to be social - we’re getting it all in before the poop hits the fan. Poop! Our Fetus is quite the action bubble, by the way. At least half of its movements are visible on the surface and easy to feel from the outside.

I am excited that laundry is being done. I have the best husband ever.

I have also been having an awesome time doing some (dun-dun-duuuunnnn!) Pleasure Reading! It’s awesome! I’m reading Matt Ruff’s ‘Sewer, Gas and Electric,’ and enjoying it very much. Reading without a sense of foreboding, without feeling like I’ll never finish, without feeling the urgency that accompanies fear of subpar performance - I LOVE IT!

Less school is doing wonders for my life. My midwife commented that my blood pressure was “great!” I feel much, much more relaxed.

So, for those of you who want to know - here’s my pregnancy fun fact for the day: don’t use cocoa butter to keep your thighs from chaffing. I know, I know - it’s worked in the past. However, there is too much moisture potential in the zone, and cocoa butter will only exacerbate this. I tried it today, and every time I sat down and stood up again, I had a nice, fresh coat of rainforest deliciousness. I suppose this applies most readily if you’re not wearing underwear, like myself. But still, good things to keep in mind. When you’re pregnant, you never know when you’ll run out of panties that fit. If that happens on a warm day, when your thighs are maybe sticking together, go for a light dusting of corn starch (not too much, not too high. I would recommend against talcum powder, or anything perfumed).

Anything else? Not really. I really want some juice. I’m gonna get some juice.

Atena McMoistyjuice